Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
by The Three Yaoi Writers Of Doom
Summary: All the characters in FFVIII find their true loves.


I have only one thing to say before you read this fic.  
  
I hope your God is with you.  
  
  
  
  
  
Who Wants To Be A Millionare? - The 3 Yaoi Writers Of The Apocalypse  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a beautiful morning in Balamb. Squall was lying on his bed, deep in thought.  
  
(Screw Rinoa.) He thought (I love you, Seifer.) Just at that moment, Seifer walked   
in.  
  
'Hi,' says Seifer,' Since we're already OOC, wanna have some sex?'  
  
'Sure,' said Squall.  
  
Seifer strode towards Squall confidently, and second later they were engaged in hot   
and kinky [CENSORED].  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Zell wass alone in his room, crying because no one likes him. There   
came a knock on his door. Cid stepped into the room and said, 'Hi Zell,' he says, 'I   
thought you might be lonely...'  
  
'Why doesn't anyone like me?' asked Zell, though tears.  
  
'Zell... I have something to tell you...,' Cid said down on the bed next to Zell, '...I   
never really loved Edea. Your...wonderful...spikey hair and your immature attitude   
really turns me on...'  
  
'Oh, Cid...' said Zell, as they kissed passionately.  
  
  
  
  
  
Edea paced up and down in Cid's office.  
  
'Where's Cid she thought?' she then noticed a short note sitting on his desk.  
  
'Looking at Zell's briefs. Back soon.' It read.  
  
Suddenly Quistis entered.  
  
'Quistis...your hair is so golden today. I really feel rather...enamoured by it.'  
  
'Why Edea...you know I can never resist Soceress...'  
  
  
  
  
  
Rinoa knocked on Squall's door. After waiting a second, she heard, 'Oh yes, Seifer!   
[CENSORED] with my [CENSORED]!', and she opened the door and rushed inside.   
She walked in on Squall and Seifer having their fun.  
  
'SQUALL! HOW COULD YOU!'  
  
She used Angel Wing and kills them both with an Ultima, then runs out in tears...  
  
And bumps into Selphie in the hall.  
  
'Rinoa! Why are you crying?' Selphie asked. 'Because...,' Rinoa sobbed, but stopped   
when she saw Selphie was crying too, 'Selphie, what's wrong!'  
  
'Irvine cheated on me... with the Chocoboy! And Adel! And ... and Laguna! And   
Ward!' she sniffed.  
  
'Oh no! That's terrible!' Rinoa exclaimed, and hugged Selphie.  
  
'I've got a room.' Selphie suggested. 'Let's go talk.'  
  
But before they even got there, Rinoa had 'accidentally' pulled Selphie's dress down.  
  
'Whoops, I tripped' Rinoa claimed.  
  
But Selphie knew better.  
  
  
  
  
  
Zell and Cid, red-cheeked and panting, walked into the Quad, only to see two of their   
guests, Mayor Dobe and Dr. Odine, sitting on a bench.  
  
'Why, Mayor Dobe...Your eyez are quite zprakly today... Ze hold a new glow.'  
  
'You're quite dashing yourself, Doctor...'  
  
Zell and Cid looked on as The Mayor and the Doctor got hot and [CENSORED] on the   
stage in the Quad.  
  
  
  
  
  
In Selphie's dorm room, Selphie ran her finger along Rinoa's neck, but just as she   
lowered down to her chest, Xu walked by. She was wearing a hairband and nothing   
else.  
  
And then Xu [CENSORED], and she ran the whipped cream all over Rinoa's   
[CENSORED] while Rinoa tickled Xu's [CENSORED].  
  
Selphie felt left out. Rinoa was enjoying Xu's company much more than hers. So she   
slapped Xu.  
  
'BITCH!'  
  
And ran off...straight into the arms of Quistis.  
  
And her whip.  
  
Quistis, already pretty hot after Edea, cushioned the blow with her 36 GG bosom  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Squall and Seifer were in the shower (Yeah, Rinoa killed them, but they   
used a Phoenix Down), Squall touching Seifer's [CENSORED] and Seifer stroking   
Squall's [CENSORED] when Irvine walked in, wearing nothing but a towel.  
  
'Hi guys,' he said, 'Can I join?'  
  
'Sure,' said Seifer, grinning.  
  
'Whatever,' said Squall, 'The more the merrier.'  
  
Irvine dropped his towel, to reveal...  
  
  
  
  
  
Deep in the reaches of time, Ultimecia had just noticed a little blue-green thing   
appear in front of her.  
  
'Elixer please!' asked PuPu.  
  
  
  
  
  
'OH MY GOD! HE HAS NO [CENSORED]!'  
  
'Irvine! You're...female!'  
  
And both Squall and Seifer vomited at the thought of Irvine actually being straight   
when cheating on Selphie with all those guys.  
  
Irvine, shamed out by his secret being revealed, ran straight to the Secret Area, to   
see Quistis and Selphie engaged in [CENSORED] with a few Grats.  
  
  
  
  
  
'PuPu...you're kinda kute...'  
  
PuPu looked at Ultimecia. Ultimecia looked at PuPu.  
  
Then they both jumped each other and started to [CENSORED].  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, back in the showers, Nida jumped out from behind the curtain, and   
walked over to Squall and Seifer.  
  
'Hey guys..'  
  
'Wait a minute!' Squall exclaimed, just before Seifer began to [CENSORED] Nida's   
[CENSORED].  
  
'What? I'm busy here!'  
  
'That's not Nida. He's wearing a mask!'  
  
Suddenly Squall lunged forward and pulled off Nida's face. It was just a mask...and   
underneath was...  
  
  
  
  
  
'Why, Irvine... there's something... different about you today...,' said Quistis.  
  
It was at that point Irvine just realised he had run through half of Balamb Garden   
with nothing on.  
  
'Call me Irene,' said she, picking up Quistis' whip, and joined Selphie and Quistis in   
[CENSORED].  
  
  
  
  
  
'The Chocoboy!' Squall and Seifer exclaimed at the same time.  
  
'Chocoboy!' they cried, 'We dreamt about you all night.'  
  
'Well, now I'm here!' he exclaimed, and they both leant forward trying to snog him.  
  
'The way you piss us off every time we need a Chocobo to ride on...it's so...hot...'  
  
whispered Squall in his left ear.  
  
'The way you make us PAY for it...it's so naughty,' whispered Seifer in his right.  
  
'And the way you put that whistle in your mouth and BLOW on it...' they whispered   
together.  
  
Seconds later, Squall, Siefer and the Chocobo were engaged in hot, steamy   
[CENSORED].  
  
  
  
  
  
Just then, Cid and Zell walked in, with a funny look on their faces. They were shortly   
followed by Quistis, Selphie and Irene, and a Grat that they couldn't get rid of.  
  
'Where's Edea?' asked Quistis, who made no effert to cover her heaving   
[CENSORED] or her [CENSORED] [CENSORED].  
  
They all heard some noise from behind the curtains. Squall and Seifer pulled them   
back, and they found Edea busy touching Rinoa's [CENSORED] while Rinoa kissed   
Edea's [CENSORED].  
  
And suddenly they heard panting noises!  
  
Cid was in the shower...with Angelo!  
  
'YOU PERVERT!' They all cried.  
  
'EWWWW!' They all said, 'She's a female dog!'  
  
Edea got off Rinoa and ran and slapped him.  
  
Then Fujin walked in.  
  
'SEX. QUISTIS. NOW.'  
  
Quistis couldn't refuse and ran over to Fujin, and began to use her fingers to   
[CENSORED]. That instantly got Selphie and Rinoa going again, who fell to the floor   
and [CENSORED].  
  
Then Raijin and General Caraway...together.  
  
Closely followed by Laguna and Ward, who walked in hand-in-hand.  
  
Raijin looked the General up and down, 'You're pretty hot, ya know?' Squall, Seifer,   
Zell, Cid, the Grat and Nida all converged on Rajin, General Caraway, Laguna and   
Ward, and they became a giant throbbing mass of [CENSORED]. Meanwhile, Irene   
was chasing Angelo and in another dimension, Ultimecia and PuPu were finishing up   
their round of mad sweaty [CENSORED].  
  
  
  
  
  
BUT THEN!  
  
Then!  
  
KIROS walked in...  
  
Hand in hand with...  
  
RAINE AND JULIA!  
  
'Oh my GOD!' screamed everyone. 'What the hell is wrong with you, Kiros!?'  
  
'....Ew!' they all cried, and killed Kiros and his girlfriends.  
  
Laguna cried. He had always been in love with Kiros.  
  
  
  
  
  
But sadly, they all had to leave the shower at that point.  
  
They couldn't miss Ward and NORG's wedding.  
  
  
  
  
  
'I-LOVE-YOU-AND-I-TAKE-YOU-AS-MY-WIFE-Bujurururu!' intoned NORG.  
  
'......' said Ward.  
  
  
  
  
  
Later that night...  
  
  
  
  
  
'Fushurushuruu...'  
  
'......'  
  
'Fushurusroooh, BABY!'  
  
  
  
  
  
Elsewhere, in Esthar...  
  
  
  
  
  
'Laguna!'  
  
'Yes, did you call, dear?' said Laguna.  
  
And Laguna and his Moomba rode off into the sunset together.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In the bit that comes after the end...  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, back in the showers, Jack and Club of the CC group were madly   
[CENSORED] with Angelo's dog treats. Squall, Seifer and the Chocoboy poked their   
head around the corner.  
  
'It it time for a sequel already?' Club sighed, just before he was converged upon by   
Squall, Seifer and the Chocoboy's [CENSORED].  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE REAL END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[DM7, Tar-chan and Apollh0e all watch the end credits come up on the screen]  
  
DM7: Well...we did it.  
  
Tar-chan: Yep.  
  
Apollh0e: I don't think they'll be too happy with it, though.  
  
Tar-chan: Who knows? They might get a good laugh out of it.  
  
DM7: Or we'll be flamed into Hell by people who don't like the [CENSORED] parts.  
  
Apollh0e: Or we'll get five-million replies that say: You suck! AngeloxPuPu forever!  
  
DM7/Tar-chan: True.  
  
[They sit for a while, and listen to the closing credits music, which is NOT Pat   
Benatar.]  
  
Apollh0e: So...what do we do now?  
  
DM7: We could [CENSORED].  
  
Tar-chan: That would get the seats sticky.  
  
DM7: Yeah, I guess.  
  
Apollh0e: We could do this to something else.  
  
Tar-chan: Like what?  
  
DM7: FFVII?  
  
Tar-chan: Yeah! We could write some crap about Rufus and Cloud, and a magic   
cape...  
  
DM7: Yeah, and include a bit of CidxVincent at the end. That's so stupid, that would   
have never been done before.  
  
[Apollh0e gives them both a look.]  
  
Tar-chan/DM7: What?  
  
Apollh0e: Nothing.  
  
Tar-chan: Why don't we write a sequel?  
  
DM7: I don't think out readers would let us live...would you?  
  
[DM7, Tar-chan and Apollh0e are chased out of the cinema by an angry mob hurling   
rotten fruit, who threat to [CENSORED] to their [CENSORED] if they ever catch   
them.]  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE REAL, FINAL END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Now bugger off. 


End file.
